Geek-Wakening?

When I was a kid, I think I was always a geek to some degree, but I never really realized it. I played a ton of video games, dabbled in arcane stuff like VHS Boardgames, and often wrote stories about stuff like Knights and Dragons. That said, I was also involved in sports nearly year round, I had plenty of friends, and so the geek stereotype never really connected with me. I do have a distinct memory of when it did dawn on me that, perhaps, I was a little more involved with such things than the average kid.

I was in 7th grade. Final Fantasy VIII had just been released and everyone was playing it. Unless you werethe super-jock, then you were playing this game at least because of how hype it was. Day in and day out for the first two weeks or so all the guys would go home, play for an indeterminate amount of time, then come back and talk about how far they had gone in the game. I was always ahead of the guys I talked to, and took some sense of pride in that. For me, I was the most skilled of the normal kids.

One day though, one of the guys brought up Obviously Nerdy Kid A, lets call him Winston. From what I had heard, Winston went home precisely at three o clock, shut himself into his mother's basement, picked up his Cheeto infested controller, and played until he fell asleep. Winston, it was told that day by my friend, was already on Disc Two. Final Fantasy VIII was such an epic tale that it spanned the entirety of four CD-Roms. It was a masterpiece. Winston, that clod, had already plowed his way past Disc One without a care in the world. I scoffed at him. How could he have so few other activities in his life as to already be that far in the game? What a philistine. I went home puffed up on my self righteousness and sat down and played.

And I reached Disc Two within five minutes.

I had to put down the controller for a moment. Should I be proud of this? Ashamed? Did I care? The answer, as you may have guessed by now, was no. I didn't care. I was a little embarrassed that I had made fun of Winston so much, but I was having too much fun to care. I just kept playing the game. Isn't that the defining characteristic of geekdom? When one actively chooses to forsake some cognizance of political correctness and/or public recognition for the sake of personal satisfaction in an activity, they are a geek. I had certainly done that, and the biggest sign of that was how little I cared. I stopped talking about how far I had progressed at school; mostly because we had reached the point when everyone else had stopped playing out of boredom. Clearly, though, that aspect only invigorated my passion for talking, as I sit here writing about geekiness on my blog. Oh, the irony?

Wrong Reasons

After all the experiences I had the previous year, my Senior year I had learned not to put so much on myself. I dropped most of the difficult honor classes in favor of a less strenuous load which would ensure I would at least graduate on time and get a fresh start in Junior College. Unfortunately for my undeveloped priorities, this simply meant I focused even more of my attention on running; now there were simply fewer things to fail at in other parts of my life. The previous year I had nearly qualified for the State Championship meet, which would have been, needless to say, awesome. In a nutshell, the top 50 or so qualified (5 best teams + 15 best singles) and I ended up about 52nd. Having come so close my Junior year, I figured I was a shoo-in my Senior year provided I trained enough. So I trained.

I did a more strenuous summer program along with the rest of the team so that I wouldn't lose much during the summer months. During the Cross Country season, I distanced myself from my teammates because my goal was to win, and win only. Having failed so much the previous year in so many aspects, I wanted to be the best at something. I was constantly angry; snapping at everything. I remember one practice where I flipped out at another runner for not doing some laps after practice that for some reason I demanded he do (I think I justified it because I was the captain.) If you're reading this for some reason, Josh, I'm sorry, and I was wrong for thinking I had any authority.

Anyways, the week of the meet came, and I was ready. I had trained hard and long and I was ready to qualify. All I had to do was to do what was expected of me at the Sectional meet and I would qualify for the State meet. I was ready to hear my name over the school loudspeaker (which I always imagined everyone was intently listening to) that I was representing our school at the State meet. Everyone in the room would cheer for me, and people in the halls would wish me luck in the meet. I wouldn't win, but for a couple weeks I would be recognized as being awesome. That didn't happen. Two days before the meet I caught a terrible flu that had been going around and ended up in the Emergency Room for a brief stay. While I wasn't in terrible life threatening jeopardy, I was out of commission from long distance running just long enough that I couldn't compete in the Sectional meet. So obviously I didn't qualify, and nobody cared about the Cross Country team.

I was angry at God. I held him responsible for keeping me from my dreams. I thought over the subject endlessly and concluded that there was no logical reason for God to keep me from running in that meet. It doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that running is a sin, and God could've stopped this illness and chose not to. I went angrily into the Track season and ran the whole season angry. I blew a gasket one practice at my coach because I thought she was being unreasonable (again, if you're reading this Coach T, I'm sorry; I was being immature and selfish.) I was fed up with not being the best and my one shot at going to State was gone. I wasn't a good enough miler in Track to make it to State, so I was just running with bitterness and anger.

After the season, I quit running. I needed to figure out how to study, and at the time I hated running. I only did the sport because I was good at it; not because I enjoyed the activity itself. I liked running with friends, and I occasionally liked competition, but running itself...not so much.

It wasn't until years later I realized what was going on back then. God doesn't forbid running, but he does weed out things that keep us from him. When I broke down on my floor that night a year before and begged God to come into my life and fix everything, he did so. What I didn't realize at the time was that God was refining me like silver, and his first priority in that process was taking out the biggest hindrance in my life. God doesn't share his place in our hearts with anything else; if we ask for his love (which we should) we're going to get every part of it. We can not serve two masters.

Running was my idol. I served running because at my core I justified my place through it. I didn't need anything else to prove my worth, because I was a runner. On my own merit, I could achieve, and I didn't need help. God wanted to build me past that, and to do that, he had to remove the idols which I had built up to obscure his light from shining on me. It took me years to realize what God had done and was showing me all this time, and I'm thankful for it.

So that's why I stopped running for so long. My assumptions that you care about my history included, God is still working on the pride which I hold so dearly. He continuously strips me of the barricades I put up so that he can show me how he will defend me from the world. God loves me, protects me, and most importantly, saves me. I just hope that I can live a life some day that radiates his love to the rest of the world.

Running Away

When I was in High School, I was decent at a lot of things. I was reasonably smart, reasonably athletic, reasonably well adjusted, etc. It wasn't until I tried distance running in High School that I thought I was really good at something. After quitting baseball because I sorta hurt my arm, I sorta never started, and sorta hit below the mendoza line, I needed to do a sport or my parents would make me get an after school job. My dad was a good distance runner, so I figured trickle down economics told me I'd benefit from that. It made sense to me, partially because my academics were so off kilter at that point in my life I just blended classes together (in this case Economics and Biology) if I could make the logic into a standing house of cards. Turns out that house of cards got me there, as I was a pretty good miler.

I kept at it with running as it finally felt good to be good at something. I didn't so much enjoy the act of running per se; I enjoyed the purist competition and I liked my teammates and friends, but running itself was a chore most of the time. The first year and a half were great. I loved being good at something, I loved being able to tap into ability more so than others seemed to be able to, and I loved hearing my name announced over the loudspeaker. I'd been playing baseball for 10 years and I never made an All-Star team once. That first medal was a long time coming in my mind. After just missing qualifying for the State meet my Junior year, I realized I might accomplish something that only a handful of athletes ever do; compete in the state finals for a sport. I knew that as a Senior, being bereft of any competition from those older and more seasoned than me, I was a shoo-in for the state meet.

After that though, things took a turn for the worse. At the halfway point in the year, I really collapsed into a brooding depression. Things had been spiraling downwards for a few years now at about this time of year perennially, but Junior year was when the floor caved in from under me. That third lap per se of the academic mile, like the regular mile, was always the toughest. I had always put sports and my social life above my academics, and until now had just barely skated at the edges of respectability. My grades would always drop to the athletic minimum, and I would be grounded, but I was allowed to stay in sports because they kept me out of trouble. Junior year was different though. Two F's in Spanish and Calculus combined with poor grades in other classes left me without a leg to stand on (I hope you like running jokes) and I couldn't run anymore. As I had built so much of my self esteem on running, I didn't know what to do.

My family was supportive, but I hadn't allowed myself to rely on them emotionally. I had built myself up so much as a great man of independence and personal accomplishment (totally unfounded, by the way) that I didn't know how to reach out for help. I just focused intently on how much I sucked; how worthless I was; how I kept telling myself I'd spite the world and prove my awesomeness but never did. I constantly had something to prove to everyone, except nobody actually was waiting for my proof. I kept looking inside myself for that super ability to just surge it out at the end like I did when I ran, but it wasn't there. Life isn't running. I couldn't just be awesome and get there anyway on natural talent; I needed help. I didn't know how to or want to get help, so really, I was pretty much doomed.

Fortunately, that's not how God operates. God came down and showed me how he had been helping me the whole time. He'd lead me through Church my whole life to give me a net for when I collapsed in shame. He lead the school to already have plans in place to lead me out of such academic rigor and ease back into a doable schedule for me. He already told my therapist that perhaps something else was afoot other than regular teen stress and anxiety. The night when I collapsed and prayed to God to fix everything I didn't even know how I had started, he already had plans in play. God swooped in and quieted my heart, separated the daunting from my horizon, and instead put his yoke upon me. Suddenly I found myself with a straight road in front of me instead of a windy, hill laden pass which I had picked out. I learned quickly that, on my own, I pick challenges out that I have no intention on actually completing. God only plans challenges for me that he equips me to deal with.

Everyone's got snow globes in their proverbial houses of life. If real life is a house which requires extensive upkeep, everyone has snow globes that they can shake up all they want with the knowledge that it doesn't matter. Some people shake up a sex snow globe; others a party snow globe; others a gaming snow globe. They have their sub-lives that they can experiment around with and jeopardize because it doesn't matter if they screw up; their real life is what matters. Somehow in high school, real life became my snow globe to my figurative running house. I focused all my efforts on being a great runner, and every now and then shook up my real life just to keep myself entertained. When the snow globe hit the ground, I forgot how much it really mattered, and God had to pull me out of it. I thank God every day that he put running back into its globe, reassembled himself as the house, and gave me a detailed guide on how he'd help me keep it up.

When God comes in and finds you crying on the floor over a snow globe, don't run away. Embrace his love and let him fix everything for you. For me, when the time came, I knew my choice. How could I deny the only thing that had the sole power to fix everything I had ruined, and yearned for me to allow him to do so?

Oakland Athletics Prospect Reports

I did some amateur reports on some of the A's minor leaguers as part of the Athletics Nation Community Prospect thread. Here's what I came up with:

Rashun Dixon was a two way star that the A's tore away in the 10th round of 2008. He's got tools, but has yet to put too many of them to good use. He posted a pretty great .263 ISO in 2008 in rookie ball, but hasn't come anywhere close to that since then. He's already somewhat injury prone, but he's still young. He had a very bad 2009, posting just a .281 wOBA over 57 games in low A, but bounced back to the tune of a .352 wOBA as the A's moved him up anyway to A ball. He has a short, compact swing allowing for good reactions on inside pitches. He cut down on his K rate this year, but it's still an unsettling 30%. Dixon is making steady progress as can be seen though, and if he can stay on the field while improving his tools, he has 5 tool upside. His biggest concern is that K rate, which may cause him to fade away in AA as a failed tools guy.

Michael Ynoa is the epitome of high ceiling. The A's drafted him in 2008 for a record signing bonus of 4.25 million when he was 16. Ynoa was heralded as the best pitching prospect out of Latin America in years, and chose Oakland over the Yankees reportedly because the A's treated him a little better during the courtship. As a 16 year old, he was listed at 6'7'' and 210lbs, throwing 95 MPH on his fastball, with a curve and a change to boot. Unfortunate, after just 9 innings over 3 appearances, he went down and had to have Tommy John in August of 2010, setting back his progress a good amount. Even though he may not pitch again until 2012, he's a good comeback candidate from TJ. He's got a great build and was very well developed for his age, so his timeline after recovering could be expedited. In some eyes, he's basically become a great college-age prospect rather than a high school phenom, but he has basically zero experience to speak of, and as such, has a long way to go before he gets put back on any top 50 lists.

Yordy Cabrera: Drafted this year, Cabrera is a very toolsy High School shortstop who's got a lot of potential. Drafted as a 19 year old because of immigration school shenanigans, he was old for his draft class. That said, he plays a fine Shortstop for now due to average and a fantastic arm, but he's still growing, and a general consensus says he'll move to 3B or the outfield eventually. During BP he has a level swing, but when he gets anxious he uppercuts a little bit, though not in a Cust-like manner. While he's not slow, it doesn't look like speed will be his game much, but if he keeps growing power could be a big part of his game. He's a natural athlete though, and his future will depend on what route the team decides to move him towards to take advantage of his plethora of tools.

Max Stassi: Probably the most divisive of prospects in terms of Athletics Nation's opinions, Stassi is a very talented High School catcher. The upside is that his defense and pitcher handling abilities have been almost universally praised, he's got the build and durability to stay at catcher, and his offensive ability could mature to the point where he'd be a good bat at catcher. The bad news is that he's a high school catcher (which have a notoriously high failure rate) and an extremely high K rate of 34.3%. As was pointed out on the blog, the K rate is high enough that only Russell Branyan can claim a K rate that high since 94 out of that league and also claim a respectable career, so he needs to drop it in order to progress. That said, Stassi is still very young and has a lot of time to improve, and if he can drop his K rates while keeping his power up, his defense constant, and off the operating table, he becomes a very exciting prospect to watch.

Fautino De Los Santos: FDLS as he's commonly shortened to was acquired by the A's in the Nick Swisher deal. At the time, he was considered an even prospect to the other pitcher acquired in the deal (Gio Gonzalez) though much further away from the majors. A Tommy John Surgery early on dropped his status a lot, and he just came back for 31 innings this year. While he had a hard time keeping the runs off the board, his peripherals were fantastic, with a 14.5 K/9 and a 2.09 FIP. He's no longer a starter, but he's a dark horse candidate to make the bullpen this year a la Andrew Bailey of 2009. He works off a Fastball/Slider/Changeup arsenal, but scouts say he has two fastballs (one with slight horizontal and one with slight vertical movement, both mid 90s) and his slider moves like a Slurve and looks like a Fastball out of the hands. His change up is nothing special, but as a reliever, he could get by with two great pitches, which is what he has. Look for him to keep the K rates up and we could see him soon.

Josh Donaldson: Donaldson came over in the Harden/Cubs trade in 2008, and has steadily progressed since then, getting a taste of the big leagues this year. Scouting reports say his arm is great, but his receiving is still in development. He's close to being Major League ready with his bat, and could even pull a backup job on a number of teams. His power is his main asset, as he has 20 home run upside with a high (!380) OBP to boot. He has hit for average in the past, but anything beyond 260 is gravy really with his power and eye. His K rate jumped this year in AAA corresponding with a drop in AVG, which may signify a bit of flailing at the plate. Look for Josh to start the season in AAA as the third catcher to Suzuki and Powell while he works on his approach, and be the first replacement in case of injury, a Suzuki trade, or Powell not getting it done.

Eric Sogard (Pasted from my original post) Sogard was originally drafted by the Padres in the 2nd round out of ASU. He’s played 2nd base basically his entire career, and reports about his skillset vary pretty wildly. Depending on who you talk to, you may hear anything from David Eckstein to AAA filler. Offensively, he has very little pop but a lot of patience at the plate, working over a 370 OBP the last three Minor league seasons. He walks more than he strikes out, which is, needless to say, good. Defensively, some say he’s improved a lot, but most reports say he’s average at best. If he can keep his walk rate and average around the 300/390 levels, he could be a passable major league 2nd baseman, despite the lack of power. If he can’t keep it up, then he’ll get a cup of tea somewhere as a utilityman, though his defense will have to improve to justify any reasonable amount of time at shortstop. He’ll almost certainly get that shot with Pennington/Rosales recovering from injuries, though with his low ceiling he’ll have to justify it quickly in order to not get lost in the shuffle.

Jemile Weeks: Weeks was the A's 1st round draft pick in 2008, and it brought mixed reviews. Weeks is a very athletic 2B/CF with the tools to make it happen, but his minor league career has been plagued by injuries. When healthy, he's been great, posting solid numbers in all categories and no real weaknesses. That said, he hasn't shown any great strengths. His power is middling at best, and while reports say he's fast enough to be a threat, he hasn't been stealing bases much. It's hard to tell whether his talent is middling or whether his wealth of injuries is constantly holding him back. If he were healthy, he'd be contending for a roster spot this year, but he's yet to play more than 80 games in two full professional seasons, and this year will be a 24 year old hoping to crack the AAA roster. If he can stay on the field we might see a September call up this year, but he needs to overcome that rather big hill to get attention.

Ian Krol: Krol was a highly touted high school prospect, blowing away his local hitters, one year throwing 3 no hitters including a perfect game. He's a Left Handed pitcher who relies on command and control rather than velocity to get outs. His fastball is average, but his changeup and curveball profile to be above average. He kept the ball well at the edges of the zone, as shown in his very low walk rate (1.44) but his also low K/9 (6.9) He'll probably start the year in High A this year, maybe even transitioning to AA if he continues to do well. With his ability to induce weak contact and the A's recent focus on defense, he profiles well to stay a SP in the A's system, though his ceiling probably isn't Ace potential. If he stays on the ball, he may see MLB time as early as 2012.

Tyson Ross: Ross was a 2nd round pick out of (Rest in Peace) the Cal Berkeley Baseball Program. At the time, he projected as a high upside guy with injury concerns. He has an inverted W delivery which caused him enough trouble to force him into Tommy Johns in college, but stayed healthy until he ran into a UCL sprain in the second half of this year. He cracked the bullpen out of Spring Training last year with injuries to Devine and Wuertz, and was electrifying for a short while, becoming Geren's high leverage reliever of choice in the 7th inning. That said, the streak came to a close after a few weeks, and Ross was sent back down to AAA, where he pitched well but battled the sprain. He has a decent arsenal; Fastball, Sinker, Slider, and Changeup, though Ross claims he rarely throws the Change when he's relieving. Thanks to Pitch F/x we know his Fastball and Sinker are low 90s and have good vertical movement, while his slider appears to mainly swing horizontally with little vertical movement. He throws all his pitches from the same release point, and uses a lot of arm as detailed by the aforementioned inverted W. Ross will compete for the 5th starter spot, though he'll probably start the year in AAA and look for an injury replacement spot during the year.