Dad, Still

Most people identify themselves as Morning or Night people.  For whatever reason, people always feel like they get better work done at one extreme or the other.  Me, personally, I feel I'm a night person.  It's almost as if the world has gone to sleep, and I'm finally free to just dump thoughts onto paper.  I need to have a free and clear mind from other work in order to really let it flow.  My Dad, on the other hand, is a morning person.  He claims he wakes up instinctively at 4 AM, sometimes 3, due to habit.  I don't know why we're so different in that regard, but you can't say he didn't try to make me a morning person.

When I was young, I remember waking up early on either Saturday or Sunday morning to play video games with my Dad.  The rest of the family was asleep, so the only ones to wake up were my pseudo-nocturnal Pops and me, the youngest kid in the family.  We'd wake up, drive to Happy Donuts in Belmont (I believe it was called Wild Bill's back then) and grab breakfast before going to play games.  Typically in the beginning we'd go off to my Dad's work, where his tech-savvy co-worker Don had a bunch of computer games stored on his computer.  Old adventure stuff mostly; I remember King's Quest being one of them.  Typically I'd play a game, and Dad would watch.

As an aside, there's something awesome about having your parents just sit and watch you do things.  When I started helping out with Jr. High, I remember I was told that the kids will grow to like you just because at that age it's cool to have an adult care about what you're doing.  I don't know what it is about having people watch and care and encourage you, but when it's an adult you respect (especially a parent) it really means something else.

So anyways, Dad watching me play video games was special.  Eventually the owner of the business (my Grandpa) caught wind of the games, and banned them from the office.  What a curmudgeon.  Anyways, the locale switched to my home.  The weekend gaming took on a new tone at that point; it was gaming in quiet because I wasn't allowed to wake my family.  The quiet was what permeates my thoughts of those days.  My Dad and I didn't always talk a ton.  Well, I should say, I talked a ton, and my Dad listened.  Perhaps the video gaming was a way for my Dad to enjoy my company without having to listen to me yammer on incessantly about Calvin and Hobbes or whatever occupied my six-year-old mind at the time.

There just isn't enough quiet these days.  I still talk too much, I play video games, and I still eat donuts, but I don't have the quiet enough.  Dad always brought the quiet.  When things went wrong, I could count on Dad to come in, bring the quiet, and slow things down to the point that they could be sorted out.  I think of Psalm 46:10.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”

 I admire a lot about my Dad, but his ability to be still, quiet, and listen to God is definitely up near the top of the list.  Even in trivial things like playing video games, Dad was always there to be still and just listen to what was going on around him.  I really need to start taking in more of his wisdom.

When our Gaze does not meet God's

When I was in High School, I based a lot of my personal self-worth on sports. God was just a steady constant for me, school wasn't worth my time, and my social life was reasonable enough. During my sophomore year of High School I began to put a lot more of my dedication into sports in the hopes that I could finally excel at a sport I tried. During my Senior year, I caught an awful 48 hour flu two days before a crucial meet for Cross Country which caused me to miss the meet. I turned to God afterwards, but it was in a confused, bitter, and angry manner. I was still recovering from a bout with Depression from the year before, so my prayers weren't quite what they should've been.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me? -- Psalm 13 1-2

I'm sure we've all felt like the psalmist at some point. We work hard for things, we pray, we thank God for our gifts, we do our best, and for some inexplicable reason it doesn't work out. Maybe we're not good enough for the goal, or circumstances beyond our control stop us, or maybe we just mess up along the way. In times like these it's easy to blame God and to wonder why he hasn't helped his loyal followers achieve their goals.

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall. -- Psalm 13 3-4

It's easy to forget at times like these what hold the world still has on us. We may say we trust in God, but oftentimes prosperity is just as difficult to remain grounded through. We feel like perhaps we've overcome some adversity in the past by relying on God, and now he's rewarding us with a time of accomplishment. We need to remember that God does not operate on a "Worship=Worldly Success" model. We can never let our gaze stray from God, even when the enemy may lure us away and subsequently taunt us when we fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,

for he has been good to me. -- Psalm 13:5-6

Every time I read this passage, I imagine David's physical state. I imagine a man yelling at God and probably crying. His hair is a mess from all the shaking he's done. He's sweating because of the physical toll the stress is taking on him as he unleashes his emotions on his Father. Like any kid, he's losing himself in anger at everything but himself. I imagine things this way because this is what I did when things got screwed up when I was in High School. I got angry, I raged, and I forgot what I owed to my father even in these times of hardship.

I think back to my own parents during this time. They rebuked me when I screwed up, but more importantly they remained patient with me as they knew that I needed to figure out what was really important to me. They waited patiently as I toiled through the mental gymnastics only to come out on the other side exhausted and needing love. When I did, they were there to assure me that everything would be alright, and that they were here to help me every step of the way. I came out knowing that sports, while a good thing and worthy of our best efforts, are not the reason that I am loved. God is the same way, multiplied infinitely. We can no longer see God in times like this, and we assume it's because God has turned his gaze away from us in our most desperate times. The reality is that it is we who have turned away because something glistens and pries us away from the rock of dependability, love, and trust which we forgot we so earnestly need.

As you may rant at God, I hope you come out on the other end exhausted and ready once again for God's love. God did not put you in the awful situation you're in now, but he is ready to fix it for you. Let us remember everything God has done for us, praise him for it, and rest easy knowing that he loves us in spite of how much we may misuse his gifts and forget his unending love.

Refined like Silver

One of the most common refrains made in attempts to try to knock Christianity is "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Clearly if there is an omnipotent, all-loving god, then he would make a world in which suffering did not exist. The simple answer to this is that God allowed free will, and free will allows for bad choices and thus bad outcomes, but if we rely on this answer we run the risk of limiting God's power, which is always dangerous. There are certainly instances in which God uses suffering in order to prepare his people for the future.

Since we believe God is omnipotent (he did, you know, create the world after all) we need to always remember that nothing is outside God's influence. Suffering and hardship are indeed part of his plan, and can be seen as a blessing. Take Psalm 66 for example, where the Psalmist is thankful for his current situation:

"Praise our God, O peoples,

let the sound of his praise be heard;

he has preserved our lives

and kept our feet from slipping.

For you, O God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

You brought us into prison

and laid burdens on our backs.

You let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and water,

but you brought us to a place of abundance." --Psalm 66:8-12. NIV.

The word refinement is somewhat of a Christian Buzz-Word in that it gets tossed around a lot but isn't examined in any depth often. Regardless, this image is powerful as it accurately reflects man as an impure product. Everyone would admit that there are certain things they dislike about their life; choices that they made that they would have made differently. The Psalmist argues here that suffering is God's way of taking regret and turning it into something holy. Our mistakes, through the refining process of suffering, make us into wiser and hopefully more Godly people. Of course this process is not easy; such mistakes can lead to all sorts of economical, physical, and emotional problems which test our faith in God and life itself, but this is how we are "refined." Just as precious metals like silver are refined in heat and fire, so we are refined as Christians through suffering and hardship.

This presents another quandary for the Christian; why doesn't simply teach us the lesson magically through his "Super God Powers" instead of forcing us to go through suffering? On earth, it appears that the Christian denies him or herself many of Earth's pleasures in order to follow God. Why does God choose to make pleasurable things on Earth only to disallow his people from them? I would argue that things seen as pleasure able by civilization are not necessarily inherently pleasurable. Psalm 49 has some words for this regard:

"Do not be overawed when a man grows rich,

when the splendor of his house increases;

for he will take nothing with him when he dies,

his splendor will not descend with him.

Though while he lived he counted himself blessed--

and men praise you when you prosper--

he will join the generation of his fathers,

who will never see the light of life.

A man who has riches without understanding

is like the beasts that perish." Psalm 49: 16-20. NIV.

It may seem a tired cliche, but we as Christians need to remember that our life lies through God and not through the Earth. The greatest joy of accepting Jesus into one's life is the knowledge that said acceptance begets eternal life with God. As we look around at other men accumulating wealth and vicariously great praise from the world around, we can remember that wealth and the praise of man are only valuable within the system that created them. As we watch the economy crumble around us, it has become very palpable that any wealth we hold is totally dependent on many factors we have no control of. Many men choose to gain wealth within an earthly system, and they reap what they sow. Perhaps they are happy for a short time, but are eternally still at the mercy of the system and will undoubtedly receive nothing at the end of their life but death. If we as Christians decide to place our efforts and faith in the system of God, then we will gain his riches, which transcend this earth. These riches may not allow for earthly pleasure, or the praise of man, but it will allow for safety and infinitely greater rewards in the long term.

God creates suffering and forbiddances in order to refine us and teach us to rely on him instead of Earth. As we make choices within an earthly system and fail, God uses the concept of suffering to teach us to rely on him, and thus reap greater rewards than we could possibly imagine. God gives us free will, and blesses us with a teaching method to show us the benefits of relying on him. The challenge for us then is this: Will we be so selfish as to curse God for his wrath, or will we be wise enough to recognize his love in spite of our mistakes?