And then I stopped

When I was in High School I ran a lot.  I've mentioned this in the past.  For a while it was my main source of pride and happiness.  I ran because I was good at it, and it made me feel like I was accomplishing something in my life.  By the time my Senior Year rolled around, I had realized that I wasn't happy running.  This also fueled the realization that God needed to be the source of my happiness rather than sport.  Anyways, when I entered college, it caused me to have to make a decision; do I keep running for the sake of being good at something, or stop?

When I had decided to go to College of San Mateo (the local Junior College), the coach had actually "recruited" me, if you will.  Obviously there would be no scholarships to a JC, but the coach wanted me to be a key piece on his Cross Country/Track teams for the next two years.  He assured me that if I ran to the best of my ability, it would help me nail down a scholarship to a school whenever I decided to transfer.  At this point, running wasn't just a source of pride; it could actually be a source of saved money.  There was a tangible benefit to running.

Why would I not run, then?  The reason is simple; I hated it.  I just didn't like the way I felt when I was done, and I didn't like the person I was becoming when I invested myself into running.  I knew that if I hated the person I had become when only investing pride, then I would become an absolutely despicable person when I was investing personal well-being.

What won out?  Did I put aside my fears of becoming a worse person in favor of trying to secure a better place in the world?  Or did I realize that the benefits were shaky at best, and that personal happiness was more important?  As you may have guessed, I opted for the latter.  If/When I entered a four year university, I wanted it to be because I had earned it academically.  I wanted to be a man whose academic accomplishments were worth something.

You ever had one of those times when you're procrastinating, and you justify it because "Well, I'm a strong person, and I'll get it done when the time comes?"  I did that often.  The problem was that I never actually "did it".  I just liked the idea that Andy was a superman who could always grit it out with determination and awesomeness.  Sadly, there was little awesomeness left in the well to draw from.  The time would come, and I'd just flake and blow it.

What does this have to do with running?  I knew that if I kept on running, then I would never become the man who gets it done when times were rough.  I wouldn't actually challenge myself to learn valid skills and focus in the classroom; I would be the same immature boy who relied on empty promises to myself rather than actual hard work to accomplish things.  If I was going to go anywhere, I had to learn how to work hard.  I didn't work hard when I ran; I just did what the coach told me and then ran the race.

I'm glad I made the decision I did.  I stopped running, and it forced me to learn how to study, how to meet deadlines, and how to actually do things when I said I would do them.  God used that period to reform me.  He took a man who had no idea what gave him happiness and showed him how to work for the Lord.  I learned how to show my joy in the Lord by working hard, and I became a man of my word.

Are sports and running things that are inherently bad?  Not at all.  Idolatry, though, takes many forms.  Whatever you put in front of your relationship with the lord, or whatever you draw happiness from aside from God, is an idol.  The Lord showed this to me, and helped me cut it off so that I could instead draw my pride and satisfaction from what Jesus has done.  If there's anything I've gained from running, it's that it can't really fill me up, and I'm thankful for knowing that for sure.